- Parenting
Throughout my career as a school psychologist and behavior analyst, I have seen the immeasurable impact of positive interactions. As parents and caregivers, our interactions with children shape their perceptions, behaviors, and emotional health. While positive praise is a valuable part of child-rearing, building a broad spectrum of positive interactions is even more beneficial. This concept can be mostly easily understood through the "praise ratio," which focuses more broadly on the quality and frequency of all positive communications compared to negative or corrective ones.
Understanding the Praise Ratio
The praise ratio doesn't just count instances of verbal praise. It encompasses an array of positive interactions, such as listening, participating, acknowledging, and collaborating with your child. Research suggests maintaining a ratio of at least 5:1 in favor of these positive interactions, and ideally closer to 10:1, especially if the relationship is experiencing tension. This broader approach helps balance feedback and form a supportive environment that promotes optimal development.
The Impact of Positive Communication
Immediate and consistent positive interactions help solidify the relationship between behavior and response. However, the nature of these interactions extends beyond the timing. Whether it's a matter of joining in a game, sharing a smile, or a nod of understanding, every positive interaction counts. If a moment is missed, recalling and acknowledging it later still has a strong impact, ensuring that positive reinforcements are not lost.
Broader Positive Interactions
Let's focus on diversifying the ways in which we provide positive feedback:
- Active engagement: Spend time participating in activities your child enjoys. Your involvement itself communicates positive reinforcement.
- Empathetic listening: Show genuine interest in their feelings and thoughts. This validates their emotions and decisions, enhancing their feeling of being valued.
- Collaborative problem-solving: Work together on tasks or challenges. Doing so not only teaches skills but also builds confidence and cooperation.
- Simple acknowledgments and gestures: Smiles, nods, and casual touches. These small gestures can significantly boost a child's mood and feeling of security.
- Verbal appreciations: Highlight specific actions, like helping around the house or being kind to a sibling.
Moving Beyond Traditional Praise
While traditional praise such as "Good job!" is straightforward, varying how we communicate positively means focusing on the quality and specificity of our interactions. For example, instead of general praise after a task, discussing what you noticed about their approach or asking them to share more about their experience shows deeper engagement and appreciation for their efforts.
The more specific you can be about their effort and behavior instead of the outcome, the more impactful you will be. Rather than saying, "I'm proud of you for getting an A on your test," tell them how proud you are of how hard they studied and persevered in tough times. The latter will stick with them and help them develop a growth mindset.
Building a Positive Interaction Habit
Adopting a holistic approach to positive interactions can, at first, feel overwhelming. However, with intention and practice, these behaviors become natural. The initial effort to consciously increase positive responses can transform your relational dynamic, setting a foundation for lifelong skills and healthier emotional interactions.
Conclusion
Incorporating a broad spectrum of positive interactions beyond just verbal praise is crucial in parenting. Every smile, conversation, and shared moment contributes to a healthier emotional environment. By focusing on increasing these positive interactions, parents can effectively support their children's development and strengthen their relationships, making the effort rewarding and transformative for both children and adults.
About the Author
Tracy L. Harrison, Ed.S., BCBA, LBA, NCSP
Board Certified Behavior Analyst